So I just started this today so bare with me..

I wanted to start blogging to start sharing a little bit of my life. Sometimes I really feel like girls have the wrong idea about teen pregnancy. I kinda wanted to share my life not because my life is horrible because it definitely isn't, it is far from horrible. But it definitely isn't easy. So here goes a little about me.

I'm Jennifer I'm 19 years old & I have two kids, Alyssa Shea who is 18 months & Aleigha Michelle who is 3 months. I got pregnant with Alyssa when I was just 17 years old and a sophomore in high school. The news about me being pregnant spread like wildfire in school EVERYBODY knew & believe me everybody talked. I remember running to the bathroom locking myself in the stall calling my dad begging him to come get me bawling my eyes out because everyone was talking and spreading horrible ugly rumors about me, was writing rude things about me being "knocked up" on the bathroom stalls. I felt like everyone stared at me I felt like the teachers looked at me different & I was slowly but surely losing all of my friends. I lived in Graham Kentucky with my dad & step mom, my younger sister Kayleigh, my older brothers Jonathan & Michael. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant I dropped out of high school and  my brother Michael & I moved to Tennessee with my Mom & Step Dad where I started homeschooling. The relationship I had with Alyssa's daddy wasn't good at all, not necessarily by choice but because everyone was spreading so many untrue things about the both of us and it made it hard for us to get along and he didn't know what to believe. Of course he was scared but who wouldn't be? When one day you are a normal 17 year old kid & then the next day you learn that your a soon to be parent. It's not easy to comprehend. As a mother you really have no choice as soon as I seen the word PREGNANT on that clear blue pregnancy test, I instantly knew my life had changed right then and there. I had no choice. I had a baby inside of me that depends on me from then to the rest of my life. As months pasted by Alyssa's daddy and I kept in touch but he still didn't know what to believe and informed me that he wanted a DNA test. That was okay with me because I knew for sure who the daddy was of my baby but I also understood that if I was in his shoes I would have probably suggested the same thing because of everything I was even hearing about my self that I didn't even know. It's crazy how people can just make up some CRAZY stories about you self that you didn't even know ha ha. But anyway, September 16th, 2010 at 1:14pm God blessed me with the most beautiful little girl Alyssa Shea Moore. I cannot describe the feeling I had when they handed me my little girl. I knew right then I loved her more then anything, and I finally found out what my parents meant by telling me "You will never know how much I love you, until someday you have kids of your own". I was so happy to be a mommy, I was so happy to finally hold my babygirl in my arms, I was so happy to finally not feel alone anymore. I had my babygirl, I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I definitely knew how blessed I was.
Things between Alyssa's daddy & I still wasn't on good terms, I would talk to him every now and again but not a lot. I had no help except for my amazing mother who I thank God for every single day. My brother Michael who was also my Best friend and would help me threw anything, rather it was just a hug, or advice. But Alyssa was definitely the apple of his eye. He was SO proud of her and he would just hold her and watch her sleep & help me with absolutely anything that i needed it didn't matter if it was 4 in the morning or 10 at night all i had to do was ask him and he was right by my side. I didn't really worry much about Alyssa's daddy not being around because I had my brother who loved her more then anything. My brother passed away December 18th, 2010 when Alyssa was 3 months old. The worst day of my entire life. I lost my brother, my best friend, & a big part of myself. After my brother passed away things changed so much. My family was broken. It will never be the same again. I started hanging out with all of my brothers friends they became more like family to me because I felt so much closer to him when I was around them.

At the end of March I got pregnant again with my 2nd child. Words can not describe how scared I was. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't handle having another baby. I cried every day for about 7 months. Things would not stop running threw my head. Why? Why me? How could I afford to take care of another baby? What if I was more care ful? What if I took that extra step instead of getting caught up in the heat of the moment? How would people look at me? I was only 18 years old and already had one baby and I was pregnant soon to have two babies by two different men. But I finally realized that I had to get a hold of myself. I didn't just have one life that depended on mine but two.
Aleigha's dad was my best friend with "benefits" I guess you could say. When we was seeing each other, we had so much fun. I could tell him pretty much anything. We had the same friends, & he always kept me laughing and he had a really good personality but friends was all I wanted. When I got pregnant things changed a lot. I was so scared to tell anyone. Even him. I didn't want to mess up the friendship we had. I actually stopped talking to him for a while. But as you know people talk & we had the same friends. So of course he knew I was pregnant again & he knew that there was a huge chance that the baby was his. I just couldn't tell him. Finally we started talking again, and hanging out all the time. The conversation about me being pregnant did not come up at all when we was with each other. As time went on my friends and family told me that I had to talk to him about it. I guess I was just trying to hide the fact I was pregnant again. Honestly I was embarrassed. I was scared. I was confused. I didn't know what to do. Well one night me and one of my friends stayed the night with Aleigha's dad and one of his friends while my mom watched Alyssa for the night. The deal between my mom and I was if i stayed all night with him, she would watch Alyssa for me but I had to talk to him about us expecting a baby. As the night went on, the words just couldn't come up. I didn't know how to say it. I still couldn't admit to myself that I was having another baby. The next morning I got home I was to tears & of course my mom was asking me what was wrong and if I talked to him about it. So I text him and told him that he needed to come over that night because we had some serious talking to do, he replied "about what?" I told him that I wasn't having this conversation over the phone & that I was pretty sure he knew what I was talking about & he replied "is there anyway that it could be someone Else's".
HUGE shocker right? ha ha, I already went through the same thing with Alyssa's daddy & I didn't want to do this again. But at least I knew what to expect. As months went by I heard no word from him. He wanted to sign his rights over and have nothing to do with either of us. Which that is okay with me too. But his friends kept telling me "He is just scared" "Please give him time". So i waited, & waited & guess what? December 12th, 2011 at 2:43pm I brought another beautiful angel into this world. As soon as I looked into my beautiful little girls eyes, I fell in love for the second time. I felt so selfish for questioning God before, because he gave me the greatest blessings of all. When your scared you do things, you think things, & you say things you wouldn't normally do. I could be the first to tell you that. Having kids isn't a joke. Its another LIFE that your responsible for. That life depends on YOU. It's a scary job. I realize that, and my heart goes out to Aleigha's dad. I know he is scared and I pray that he comes around before I have no choice but to take him to court. That is what I'm going through with Alyssa's daddy because he wanted a "DNA" test and now we are going to court for child's support which is completely out of both of our hands, and If both of us would go back and work things out differently we both would in a heart beat. I don't want to have to drag my kids threw court for child's support or visitation. I want to be able to talk to each other and do what is best for our kids.

As of today, I still live with my mom and step dad in Smyrna TN with both my girls Alyssa Shea and Aleigha Michelle. I'm still working on getting my high school diploma through homeschooling and I currently am looking for a part time job. I'm not going to say I have any regrets because I don't live my life in regret. But I will say my life is far from perfect, and it's going to be a little harder then it would have been if I would have chose to waited a little longer. I don't really have a life anymore. My life is my kids. They are my everything. I didn't get to enjoy my last two years of high school. I don't get to stay out late with my friends. I don't get to stay the night many places anymore. I don't get to do a lot of things that a normal 19 year old does. Because I am not a 19 year old teen. I'm a 19 year old Mommy.

This blog is probably the longest that any of the rest will be.
The rest of my blogs are going to be about my daily life of being a mommy of two at 19.

I just want girls to know its not easy at all, you should live your life, have fun, enjoy yourself, get your career started, because i promise you its not easy studying for a test while holding a baby in your arms. But I also want the ones that are in the same situation that I am to know I'm here for you, it may not be easy but you can do it! There is a reason for everything, and obvisously we are meant to be mommy's, just make the best out of it for your babies and yourself. Life's not over after having a kid, it may be harder but definitely not over<3

Like i said come visit daily i'll be posting a blog if not everyday i'll do my best for every other day or so just a little about my daily life of being a mommy of two at 19!

Love you all!
<3 always,

-Jennifer